Freedom from the Unattainable Standards of Christianity

Posted on May 16, 2010 by Charity

This morning, I was thinking about how I am so much happier being free to be who I am, instead of always feeling like I need to check if it’s okay with God first.

No matter what people say to try and seduce you into Christianity, the Christian god is a judgmental god.

There are a lot of modern Christians that try to emphasize the relationship over the religion, but beyond the feel-good exterior, there still exists the same rules of conduct that have always been characteristic of Christianity.

I’ve been part of a grace-focused church.  The idea of grace is very enticing.  It doesn’t sound the same as the your-sinfulness-causes-natural-disasters preaching style of the Pat Robertsons of the world.

The latter approach says, you are bad and god will punish you.  The former says, you are bad and god will forgive you.  But the message is the same: you are bad.

So, god’s grace will free you from your sins, but it’s not real freedom.  You are still held prisoner by the idea that you are bad.

Well, you’re not.  You’re okay, maybe even good.

But, you can never really feel good if you believe that you are not good without god’s grace because it’s conditional.  And at it’s heart, the message is you are not good enough on your own.

Here is how I look at Christianity:

God created you and he loves you.  But, you are not good enough to be around god because you fail to live up to god’s standards (which is a natural quality of being human).  In other words, god made you, but he also set standards that you cannot possibly meet.  But, that’s okay because if you worship him and love him with your entire mind, body, heart, and soul, he will forgive you for being the way he made you.  You will be made worthy of having a relationship with him, but not really because every time you act human, you need to ask his forgiveness for not being good enough, so he can make you good enough through him.

What a dysfunctional, co-dependent nightmare  of a relationship.  If god were my boyfriend, you would tell me to get the hell away from that jerk as quickly as possible (probably in more colorful terms).

How about this?

You are not an inherently bad person; you’re just fine.  Stop trying to live up to unattainable standards and be yourself.  Try to be nice and don’t hurt other people, and you’ll be fine.  Now, stop worrying about what God thinks of you and do what makes you happy.

There, isn’t that better?  You’re welcome.

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Is Atheism a Religion?

Posted on May 12, 2010 by Charity

I get google alerts about certain religious topics that I might want to blog about, including “atheism,” and I’ve noticed that a lot of people call atheism a religion.  I think that’s kind of funny, in both the “ha-ha” and “strange” sense.

There are some people who it seems are so strong in their atheistic views that they don’t much differ from evangelical Christians in their annoying factor, but atheism itself is, by definition, a lack of belief, not a set of beliefs.

Here’s how my own life went:

I was born not believing in anything.  I was born an atheist.

I grew up with no religious indoctrination in the home, so I continued to not believe in anything.  I was still an atheist.

I went to college and was exposed to a few different belief systems, but I still didn’t believe in a god.  (It was a liberal college.)  I was still an atheist.

I got married and had a family and was eventually exposed to evangelical Christianity, which I believed in with every fiber of my being for over 5 years.  I was no longer an atheist; I was a Christian.

I decided to explore my doubts about Christianity and decided that I didn’t believe in it anymore, so I am back to not believing in anything.  I am, once again, an atheist.

Now, can you see why I think the idea of atheism being a religion a silly notion?  I didn’t adopt a religion or set of beliefs to become an atheist.  Atheism is the natural state I was born into.  When I left Christianity and did not replace it with another religious belief, I went back to being an atheist.

Atheism is the absence of religious belief.  When I had a religious belief, I was no longer an atheist.  Now that I no longer have that religious belief – poof, I am an atheist again.

If I had some vague sense that god exists, but did not adhere to an established religion, I would not be an atheist.  I would be something else.  Agnostic, maybe.  Deist.  I don’t know.  But, I have no reason to believe that there is a god, so I don’t and that makes me an atheist.

And atheism is not a religion.

Posted in Religion & Atheism | Tagged | 10 Comments

Mother’s Day

Posted on May 12, 2010 by Charity

I have been in a bad mood the past few days.  After thinking about it for a while, I realized what it was.  I hate Mother’s Day.

Just to be clear here: I love my mother.  This is not one of those sordid tales about my terrible childhood, and how it’s all mom’s fault.  Once I became a mother, I immediately stopped blaming my mom for ANYTHING.  Even the stuff that she clearly was wrong about.

Being a mom is hard.  Everyone expects us to do everything right.  And we are the first to get the blame when our kids don’t turn out perfect.  We all do the best we can and we all screw up.  My kids will probably need years of therapy to recover from my mistakes.  The least I could do was let my own mother off the hook for hers.

No, my hatred of Mother’s Day has nothing to do with my mother.  It has to do with my feelings about being a mother, which, you may have gathered, are not all positive.

No one likes to talk about this stuff, the bad side of motherhood.  When people talk about motherhood, it’s always stuff like this,

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. When you were born, I saw your face and knew I was in love… Before you were an hour old, I knew I would die for you…To this day, I will. ~With Mother’s Day approaching, repost this if you have children you love more than life.

Via facebook, what else?

Hey, guess what?  Before my children were conceived, I didn’t want them.  I never wanted kids.  The whole time I was growing up, while other girls were dreaming about fairy tale weddings, happy endings, and being mommies, I was not.  I was dreaming about being successful, never getting married, and living alone in a killer loft in NYC.  Seriously.  And I never consciously changed my mind.  My birth control failed.  I got pregnant at 19.  I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing, which means, I had a baby.

On that note, I think it’s time for more facebook wisdom.

It doesn’t matter that the sun isn’t shining or if it is snowing outside, being a mother is our sunshine every day in our heart.

Excuse me while I retch.

Being a mother is most certainly not sunshine everyday in my heart.

Yeah, I love my kids.  I even like them, most of the time.   And being a mother has made me a better person in so many ways.  Honestly.  It has made me more patient, persevering, and selfless.  I was going to say caring and nurturing, but I think I have always been pretty caring and nurturing.  Maybe it has made me more so.  It’s hard to say, since I have been a mother almost my entire adult life.

But, sunshine?  Every day?  Not so much.

And for saying that, I am a rotten person, no doubt.

We, mothers, are just not allowed to say that.  It has to be all unicorns and rainbows when we talk about motherhood, but motherhood kind of sucks sometimes when it isn’t your calling.

And, that puts me in a bit of a precarious situation when it comes to Mother’s Day.  I most certainly will not partake in the reciting of saccharin-laden Mother’s Day platitudes.  And I most certainly will not let on that I think motherhood is one of the most difficult, painful, emotionally draining experiences one could ever be subjected to.  So, I mostly say nothing and suffer in silence.

Before you all flay me, let me just say that motherhood not all bad.  It’s incredible watching the kids grow up and become their own people.  When they accomplish something or figure something out for the first time, it is really great to be there and see that.  And my youngest is still a little snuggle bunny sometimes, so that’s obviously wonderful.

There are definitely great things about being a mom.  It’s just not all great.  And I don’t love it the way society says I am supposed to.  So, when a day comes that all the other moms are talking about how wonderful being a mom is, it doesn’t really fit with my own experience, so I kind of hate that day.

But Mother’s Day isn’t all bad.  I got some nice home made cards and a bouquet of wild flowers that my sons picked themselves.  And my husband made pancakes, which was awesome because that doesn’t happen on just any old day.

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Hey There

Posted on May 7, 2010 by Charity

I know I have been neglecting this blog lately.  It’s not you; it’s me.  For one thing, this is the time of year that homeschooling gets really demanding, as I am busy finishing things up so I can prepare my paperwork for the state.  The other reason is that I have a weird joint condition that flares up from time to time and my hands and wrists hurt like heck when I type.  Actually, they seem to hurt most of the time, but they hurt more when I type.

I just wanted to pop in and let you all know that I’m still here.  I appreciate you stopping by and reading, leaving comments, and e-mailing me.  I promise to get back to posting as soon as I can.

Have a lovely weekend!

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First LOL of the Day

Posted on April 28, 2010 by Charity

I ♥ xkcd.

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Weak Atheism

Posted on April 23, 2010 by Charity

I’ve realized lately that I am still really uncomfortable letting people know that I am an atheist.  I’m not sure why that is.  I think it’s probably just that it’s such a loaded word.  People bring with them so many negative ideas about what that means.

I noticed it the other day.  I was going to fan (or, like, as it’s called now) the Friendly Atheist‘s facebook page, but I stopped myself.  I just didn’t want to deal with any negative reactions from people.

Then, yesterday, someone asked me if I was still an atheist and I hesitated.  I had to think about it.  Well, I don’t believe in god, so, yes, I thought to myself. The answer seems like it would be easy, but for some reason it’s not.

An atheist is someone who believes there is no god.  I am just someone who doesn’t believe in a god.

Actually, both are atheists.  The first one is a strong atheist; the second is a weak atheist.

Weak.  That name seems so apropos to me.  I feel weak.  For the first time in my life, I am completely uncomfortable freely expressing my views because I am afraid of what people might think.

That is so not like me.  For Pete’s sake, I was a conservative political blogger in Vermont.  I am used to holding a minority opinion and taking the flack that goes with it.

I know it’s kind of odd for me to say I am uncomfortable being public about my atheism on my public blog.  But, not a lot of people know about this blog.  It’s not even on my facebook profile.  Only my craft blog is.

The past six months were so hard on me personally and I finally feel like I am okay now.  I just don’t want to deal with any more damaged relationships.  It was so hurtful to be rejected by people who were close to me, just because I stopped believing in god.

The reality is, though, that I don’t want relationships where I have to be fake.  The people who I really care about deeply all already know that I am an atheist.

So, why is this still so hard for me?

Posted in Religion & Atheism | Tagged , | 4 Comments

The Internet Is Really Something

Posted on April 22, 2010 by Charity

I have never seen an internet phenomenon from the beginning.  It is quite amazing to witness.

I’m talking about Boobquake, the call from atheist blogger Jennifer McCreight for women to wear immodest clothing to test whether or not it will produce an earthquake.

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran’s acting Friday prayer leader.

I’ve been reading Jen’s blog, Blag Hag, for quite some time (yes, I know I need a blog roll), so I saw her Boobquake post when it was first published.  I thought it was mildly amusing, but I had no idea that it would become an internet sensation.

No wonder so many bloggers post cleavage pics on their blogs.  The internet loves boobs.  (Hmm, I have been trying to figure out a way to boost traffic.)

What do I mean by internet sensation?  The boobquake facebook page has 38,953 attendees, as of this posting.  That’s not counting the people who were sent the page, but haven’t responded, which is over 161,000.  Tweets on Twitter with the hashtag  #boobquake are pouring in so rapidly, it’s almost impossible to keep up with.  Jen was even interviewed by Australia’s Herald Sun.  According to her posts on twitter, outlets in Canada, Ireland, Sweden, and the Netherlands were also interested in interviews and she was just e-mailed by CNN.

I’ve seen internet crazes after they have already gone viral, but it has been really interesting to see this explode right before my eyes.  I can only imagine how surreal this has been for the “Boobquake founder,” as the press has dubbed her.

The internet is amazing.

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An Atheist Doesn’t Love Life: My Response

Posted on April 20, 2010 by Charity

I wrote this as a response in the comments of this post, but I was on such a roll that I thought it warranted its own post.

Just because I don’t believe in god doesn’t mean I don’t believe life has meaning. It does. There is meaning in our relationships and our passions and everything we do that brings joy to ourselves and others.

I love life, too. So much so that I don’t concern myself with what it will be like when I cease to have consciousness. I doubt I will much care at that time.

In the meantime, I want to make the most of my life and my relationships, without worrying about my loved ones going to hell for eternity, without denying rights to people who are attracted to the same gender, without supporting a belief system that causes guilt and shame over basic human feelings and desires. I could go on. I have read so many stories of people who were hurt emotionally by their religious beliefs. One can blame it on poor interpretation, but at some point one must ask, “How can an all-powerful, all-knowing god let us flounder like this? How can He let so many people get it wrong? Why couldn’t He be a bit less ambiguous about what He wants from us?”

I much prefer to be free of that and really enjoy LIFE. Enjoy nature. Enjoy my family. Enjoy my passions.

I am not afraid of death. Maybe that makes me unusual. But, I believe that it is those who live in fear of death who are not really living.

It’s not that I am happy that I will die. It’s just a fact that I can’t change, so it’s not worth my time to worry about. I am too busy trying to enjoy life in the time I have and loving every minute I have with the people I love because I know I won’t see them after they are gone.

Not believing in god does not make me love life less or love my children less. On the contrary, it makes me love those things MORE than I did before because I know that I don’t have an eternity to get around to it.

Posted in Religion & Atheism | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Note to Burlington Area Readers

Posted on April 19, 2010 by Charity

This coming Thursday (4/22) from 4 – 6 PM I will be at New Moon Cafe with the Philip Baruth for State Senate campaign.

Come on by to meet Philip (blogger at Vermont Daily Briefing), hang out with other internet-type people, and enjoy the best coffee drinks in Burlington. (Seriously, they have the best mocha.)

Here’s the tweetup information page for more info. You can RSVP there, but you don’t have to.

Hope to see you there! (So much so that we are willing to bribe you with free pastry.)

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Note to Burlington Area Readers

Posted on April 18, 2010 by Charity

This coming Thursday (4/22) from 4 – 6 PM I will be at New Moon Cafe with the Philip Baruth for State Senate campaign.

Come on by to meet Philip (blogger at Vermont Daily Briefing), hang out with other internet-type people, and enjoy the best coffee drinks in Burlington.  (Seriously, they have the best mocha.)

Here’s the tweetup information page for more info.  You can RSVP there, but you don’t have to.

Hope to see you there!  (So much so that we are willing to bribe you with free pastry.)

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