I had a visit yesterday from a friend, who I met when I was a Christian. She and I were not really friends so much as acquaintances. We were in the same circle, but there really wasn’t a strong connection there.
Over the past year, she has gotten to see the “new” non-Christian Charity, and she was intrigued. I seemed so different than the person she remembered. (I use new in quotes there because this isn’t the new me, it’s the old me, from before I was a Christian. I found myself again, and I like to make that distinction, for whatever reason.)
We visited for a few hours yesterday, talked about relationships and religion, and had a really nice time catching up. When she was leaving, she said that she always thought I was so stuck up, so robotic, and she really likes the person I am now.
That felt really good to hear, well bad, but good. It’s hard to be reminded of the person I turned into when I was a Christian. I didn’t like that person. I hate that person, in many ways. But, it’s great to be reminded of how different I am today, of how far I have come since those early days, after I left Christianity, when I was confused, alone, and afraid of what life was going to be like.
Today, I am a much stronger person, with a better sense of who I am. I hate to think about the person I was back then, how I had lost myself and lost focus of what I wanted out of life, how my personality was pushed down and replaced with that of a Stepford wife, how I was afraid of my own thoughts because, sometimes, they were unkind, lustful, prideful, or otherwise sinful. But, occasionally, it is good to be reminded of that person, so I can fully appreciate who I am today.
Okay, that’s all fine. But what the hell are you REALLY thinking?
Is prideful a word?
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/prideful