This weekend, we finally got some nice fall weather. After a record-breakingly hot summer, it is even more welcome than usual.
With the arrival of fall, I can’t help but think back to this time last year, when I my faith came unraveled and I started down the road to atheism.
I’ve been feeling very emotional the past couple of days, with regard to everything that has happened this past year. It’s a bittersweet time.
I am reminded of all I have overcome and accomplished within myself over the past year. I went from being lost and confused this time last year, to being strong, confident, and optimistic only a year later.
At the same time, I am reminded of the losses of friends and church community, and the loss of my faith itself. The security and peace of mind that came so easily when I believed has been hard to come by as an atheist.
I have spent this weekend clearing out the last remnants of my Christian life. Yesterday, I went though my bookshelves and boxed up all of my Christian books. It will still be a while before I can get rid of everything (unless I just throw it all out), but at least my living room bookcase isn’t full of Christian living books.
Today, I have been working on my craft/cooking blog. It’s called “All Things Hold Together,” which comes from Colossians 1:17.
15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. (NIV)
I started that blog after I stopped blogging at She’s Right the first time in April of 2007. I believed that God wanted me to stop blogging at that site and focus less on politics. (I went back to it 4 months later, moving to wordpress.)
I wanted to create a blog that would encompass all areas of my life: homeschooling, faith, family, crafting, cooking, and also politics and current events, occasionally. (Get it? All Things Hold Together.)
Since leaving Christianity, I redesigned ATHT to be a craft/cooking blog, but the name has bothered me for a few months now. I don’t like that it comes from a bible verse. I just feel like it doesn’t represent me, and it’s misleading.
I already own the domain charitytensel.com, for obvious reasons, but I have never really used it for anything major, so I decided to transfer all of my cooking and crafting posts over to a blog at charitytensel.com.
Cleaning out my bookshelf was kind of sad. A lot of those books have a history. Many of them were given to us by people we cared about, who are no longer in our lives.
The blog change-over, however, is a huge relief. There is no sadness for me in leaving that blog. The fact that it had such a Christian name has been nagging at me for months, but I couldn’t think of a new name that I wanted to use. I am just happy to have it resolved and taken care of.
Still, I am left feeling a bit melancholy on this gray fall day. I have experienced a lot of loss this past year. I try to focus on the benefits gained, which are many, but sometimes there are days like this.
Even good changes can be hard.
