So, things in my life have settled down. Having a crisis of sorts was a good test of my unbelief. It gave me a change to really see if I still believed in god. I don’t.
Let’s compare what I would have done, if I were still a Christian, with what I did.
Christian Charity would have prayed.
Atheist Charity felt sorry for herself for about two minutes, then set to work figuring out how she was going to get herself back on track, started right to work on that plan, then got together with her sister for some good, healthy venting. Twice.
I didn’t have to wait on the Lord. I didn’t have to figure out what God was trying to teach me. I wasn’t lulled into a false sense of security by my belief that God would get me through it.
I just had to do what I needed to do to get myself through it, and remember that I have people who are there for me when I need them.
I like being an atheist.
That was a label that I have shied away from over the past 10 months. I always felt awkward when someone would call me that, or ask me how the atheism is going. It’s a word that carries a lot of negative baggage in our society.
If this incident has taught me anything, it’s that I shouldn’t be ashamed to be an atheist. I shouldn’t shy away from the fact that I have found freedom from an oppressive (and repressive) religion, a renewed appreciation for life (instead of always looking forward to the afterlife), and the strength that was inside myself all along.
I still shy away from the label, though functionally I am an atheist, no doubt. As you said, it carries a lot of negative connotations in our society. For me especially, I am concerned with the way it would freak out the Christians in my life, and the strain that would cause relationally doesn’t seem worth it. Also, having had the ‘evangelical’ label in the past, I am not quick to accept a new one.
Glad it works for you though! It is encouraging to hear how it has applied to your life. It sounds as though the benefit you describe is your personal acceptance of the beliefs it entails, rather than how others perceive you. Is that correct?
Yes, that is correct. In fact, I still struggle with how others will perceive me. I was just about to change my religious views on my facebook profile, from blank to atheist, and I chickened out. I am still not ready to take the second wave of rejection by my Christian friends. The first wave came when I told my inner circle of Christian friends that I was an atheist. I did use that word then. But, I have may other Christian friends on facebook who don’t know. I also have not told my husband’s family. I am not sure how that will go over, so I just don’t talk about it. Though, they do know that we are not hard-core evangelicals any more. (They are Catholic.)
I have reached the point where I fully accept that I do not believe in god anymore at all and I am comfortable with that – no, happy about that. And I am not going to try to hide it anymore when people talk to me about religion, but I am still not quite ready to bring it up out of the blue to my Christian friends and relatives, and I don’t feel like I need to.
I am in a very similar place as you. You express yourself very well.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
One thing that I love about the internet is that you can always find someone who is in a similar place as you, and then it doesn’t seem quite so bad. Even though I have mostly been a lurker, the online community has really helped me through the process of leaving Christianity.
Likewise, and the number of de-converts who converted as adults is all that much smaller a club in the first place.