Life, as she is wont to do, just sucker-punched me in the gut. Today has been one of those days of just trying to get my bearings and figure out where the hell to go from here.
In other words, it has been yet another test of what to do now that I don’t have god to lean on.
Surprisingly, I have not felt for even one second through this like I needed god. What a long, long way I have come in the past several months.
I have always believed that everything will work out for me. My mom always used to say that whenever something was wrong. It will work out; it always does.
Now there is a woman who has been though a rough life. And yet, things always did work out.
So, I just sort of adopted that mantra and, when I became a Christian, I transferred that faith onto God. God was the reason that everything would eventually work out.
One day last month, I was thinking about something that might happen and my first reaction was, don’t worry, everything will work out.
Then, I stopped myself. Based on what?? How can I know that everything will work out when I don’t believe in God anymore? I have no assurance that there is a master plan that all works out in the end.
Then I realized that I do believe in something. I believe in myself. I know that I have the strength, knowledge, intelligence, and creativity to find solutions and make my life better. That is something I can believe in and that is how I know that everything will work out.
I also believe in other people. I know that I have friends and family that love me and that is why everything will always be okay, no matter what happens.
That doesn’t mean that things won’t get tough. They got tough when I was a Christian, too. But, I no longer need the promise of an afterlife free from pain to get me through.
Life is still worth living, even with the bad parts. The bad parts eventually pass, making the good parts seem even better.
