I was looking at my feed reader and wondering what to do about all of the blogs I don’t read anymore.
I have the feeds organized into folders: homeschooling, craft blogs, food blogs, political blogs, Vermont blogs, skeptics, random, and probably a couple others I can’t think of off the top of my head. So, I can pretty easily ignore the feeds I don’t read by keeping the folder closed.
But I wonder if I will ever go back to reading the blogs of the Christian homeschooling moms that I felt such a kinship with only a year or two ago. So much has changed that I no longer feel like I am reading the words of someone I connect with, but someone who I cannot even relate to.
I find myself wondering how I could have ever thought these women to be so sensible and level-headed, when they now seem so strange and misguided.
I am sure I am projecting a lot. Just because my contentment with the evangelical Christian lifestyle was only an illusion that I convinced myself was real, doesn’t mean that other people are not genuinely happy with that life.
Still, I have a hard time imagining many people would choose such a self-sacrificing path, if not for the belief that it was divinely required of them.
There is a reason that Christian homeschooling moms, especially the quiverfull variety with their bevy of children, are fond of saying that they could not do it without God’s strength. They are doing more than is mentally or physically healthy for one person to do.
Unless they have a reality show, or own a patriarchal book company, or have some other means of wealth, most of these families are struggling. Something has to give and often it’s the mom’s health.
One of the best things that has happened to me since leaving Christianity is realizing that I need to put myself first and that it is not a sin. No more JOY for me – Jesus first, then Others, Yourself last.
Instead, I have health, sanity, fitness, to name a few. I actually take time to exercise and take walks alone. Now, I’m happier and feel better. Imagine that!
Just yesterday, I was at the doctor and she made a remark about probably not being able to find time to exercise with homeschooling three boys. I said, “Yeah, I used to be like that, but not any more. I just tell them, ‘Too bad, I need this!’”
I used to think all of the advice to moms that insisted they need to take time for themselves first was so misguided and was part of what was wrong with our culture.
It is not.
Sure, there is no shortage of moms out there who take it to the extreme and their “me” time is all the time. But, there are many more moms who put themselves last.
Most people recognize this as reality, but acknowledge that it’s not good.
Christianity, in contrast, holds it up as the model of womanhood.
It’s not. It’s the model of a breeder animal, combined with a work animal.
Have babies, work hard, don’t complain.
Having children, spending time with them, educating them at home, making that your job until they are adults – that’s fine. That’s what I’m doing. Having no time for yourself, having no outside interests (talking about mothering and homeschooling online doesn’t count), and neglecting your emotional and physical needs – that’s not.
It is hard for me to read the blogs written by women who are living a life that took me so long to realize was harmful. For one, it brings up a lot of stuff. But mostly, it just makes me sad to see women living this way and not realizing that they don’t have to.
