The other day, I was having a really hard time with my oldest son. On my way to an appointment (that he was supposed to be going to with me) I called my husband to rant. I got his voicemail, so I left a long rambling rant about how frustrated I was with my son’s behavior lately. Then, I reached the end of the time allotment and was prompted to save the message as is, start over, or delete it. I realized that there wasn’t anything that my husband could do while at work and that hearing my message would no doubt stress him out, leaving him stuck at work stressed out, probably thinking things were worse than they actually were. So, I deleted it.
As I continued driving, I realized that I felt so much better having vented. But, it was weird because no one actually heard me venting. At the time, though, I thought I was talking to someone who cared.
That got me thinking about all of the times I vented to God. Even though I am pretty sure now that no one was listening, it always made me feel better to pray.
People always talk about the power of prayer. I think there might be power in prayer, but I don’t think that power comes from any supernatural being. I think that the act of getting our worries and frustrations out into the open is what helps. Talking about our problems to someone who we think cares helps us put things in perspective and know we are not alone.
So, next time I find myself missing having a god to pray to, I think I will find someone who cares about me to talk to. Or, I could always just talk to my husband’s voicemail and then delete it.
Hi again Charity,
I’m wondering whether part of your good feeling the other day had to do with your generous decision not to burden your husband after all with something he couldn’t respond to anyway.
Then again, maybe you felt better because there was a good song on the radio.
I’m surprised how much you have based your faith and your unfaith on feelings.
Perhaps you were fed a really thin theology [I have a feeling that you were
]
Anyway, I’d love to continue the conversation.
Hi Nancy,
I was just thinking about the fact that I never replied to your last e-mail. Things have been a little hectic lately, but I will have some time this weekend.
My faith was not emotion-based. In fact, just the opposite, I was taught that one of the great things about God was that he is permanent and reliable, unlike our emotions, which change based on the situation and are not reliable.
I talk about things from an emotional perspective because I spent the past 5 years denying my emotions! I pushed them down and buried them because I needed to stop being so selfish, how can I complain about my life’s trials after the sacrifice Jesus made for me, blah, blah, blah.
It’s not good to keep things in.
And it’s okay to want to feel good.
Not that I expect to always feel good, nor do I base my decisions on my emotions because they are temporary. But, they are still important to take care of.
I know that Christianity is not supposed to solve all your problems and make you happy, but there does come a time where one stops and asks, why am I doing this if it is consistently making me miserable?
Hi Charity,
Yes, that would be great if you’d still email me.
Your description of 5 years of “emotionless” faith makes me sad. Did you get negative reactions from your church when you tried to express things, or were you just trying to imitate what you were seeing as the norm?
Whatever the reason, you’re right in finding it to be warped. It’s just that this warped practice has nothing to do with my experience of Christianity.
Look forward to hearing from you.