Learning To Cope with Being Hurt

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ~Romans 12:19 (NIV)

When I was a Christian, I took comfort in that verse.  I also used it many times to try to comfort my children when they were wronged and wanted revenge.  There were other verses, too, about forgiveness and loving your enemy, but knowing that the person who wronged me would be dealt with by the ultimate authority and, if warranted, they would be punished seemed to make it easier to get over.

Well, I’m not a Christian anymore.  And I have been wronged.  No, my child has been wronged, which is worse.  And I want revenge, or at least some serious justice.

This time, there is no ultimate authority.  This time, there is no cosmic justice.  This time, I have to come to terms with the fact that this situation is just bad and wrong and there will likely be no justice.  This is one of those situations where the victim does not ever feel like things were made right.

I don’t mean to be cryptic, but I don’t want to talk about the incident until everything is dealt with.  Since only kids were involved, it’s taking some time to get the whole story and for the authorities to deal with it.  Maybe by then I will be happy with the outcome, but I doubt it.

There is nothing that will restore my son’s naive trust in people.  He knows now how utterly cruel and manipulative people can be.  He knows that people can do things so awful that they go beyond anything he could conceive of.

Is there really anything that will set that right?

But beyond that, the kid who wronged him probably won’t get punished, either.  At least, not as much as we feel like he should because that’s how these things work.  Besides, there isn’t a punishment in the world that will restore things to the way they were.  The dynamic in that group of kids is forever changed, and it sucks.

I have nothing to grab on to in moments like this, anymore.  There is nothing that makes everything okay in the long run.  There are people in this world who are mean, who will hurt you, who will betray you, who will lie.  There isn’t anything that ameliorates that.  There is no ultimate good plan that evens things out in the long run, and that also sucks.

I guess the important thing is to realize that, even though there are people in this world who do bad things, there are also people in this world who do good things, who are nice, who will love you, who will be there for you, who will be honest.  There are so many relationships that can be life-giving and uplifting, and if you don’t put yourself out there, you will miss out on those.

That is the ultimate good that evens things out in the long run.  And I don’t need God for that.