Today, I got a phone call from a relative to whom I have not spoken in years. He was calling to ask for my forgiveness for things that he did wrong to me when I was a child. He was a real mess and he didn’t treat me very well. There was no physical or sexual abuse, but he does have things to be sorry for.
During the course of the discussion, he mentioned that he was a Christian and that he has been totally transformed by Jesus. I could feel the discomfort welling up inside me, but I didn’t say anything.
Then, he said it. “You are a Christian, so you know what I mean.” *Shudder*.
No, I don’t. What I know is that Jesus probably did not change you because there probably is no Jesus. But, I also know that you believe that Jesus changed you, so for all intents and purposes, you probably have changed. You found peace. You are doing well. As such, I won’t rock the boat. You can have your fairy tale. It’s probably helping you be a better person, the kind of person who won’t have to apologize 25 years from now for the mean things you did to an innocent little girl because you were so fucked up.
So, I didn’t say anything. I just sort of agreed, told him I forgave him, which I do, and got off the phone.
That sort of thing leaves me feeling conflicted. On the one hand, I am still healing from the damage I caused myself by believing the Christianity myth, so the last thing I want to do is help perpetuate it. On the other hand, I can see that (1) there was no way he would be receptive to anything I had to say against the existence of god and (2) his beliefs probably are making him a better person.
Surely, I am not the only one who feels conflicted over whether to speak up or hold her tongue when it comes to dealing with religion. I wonder how other people deal with situations like this.
I’m comfortable with how I handled it. It was the right thing to do at the time and with that person. I think that sometimes an opportunity will present itself to discuss my own change in beliefs with someone, but I am not going to force that discussion when the situation isn’t right. That’s not likely to accomplish anything, except to ensure that I never get the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation on the subject.
I’m out to my closest friends, some co-workers who are also friends, and to all of my family members who I am in regular contact with and some who I am not. That being said, I try to find a balance between caring for and respecting them and what I believe. Aside from my blog, I really only discuss my atheism with those who ask or I know are comfortable with it.
I’m sure I would have handled your situation similarly as the important thing to me is the well-being of the person. If they find some comfort in religion and are not using it as a tool of hate then I have no problem with that.
A lot of it also depends on where you live, at least in terms of your community. People shrug about it in VT, but you’d sure as hell be ostracized in Mississippi.